Wag mo ng iyakan ang hindi worth it iyakan.. Umiiyak ka man ngayon, yun ay dahil namatay yun sarili mo while loving that person.. Wag mong sisihin sarili mo kung napagod ka ng umiyak sa taong minsan mo ng iniyakan ng sobra sobra.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo kung nagising ka nalang na wala ka ng pakelam sa lahat ng gagawin nya.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung napagod ka ng mag alala para sa kanya.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung hindi na gaya ng dati ang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo kung tuluyan mo ng tinalikuran yun masayang alaala na kasama mo sya.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung hindi na yan tumitibok para sa kanya.. Wag mong sisihin sarili mo, kung lahat ng ginagawa nya ngayon, wala ng saysay para sayo.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung kinakaya mo na ngayon matulog ng hindi ka nya sinusuyo.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung kaya mo ng panindigan na wala na.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung natanggap mo na lahat ng masasakit.. Wag mo sisihin sarili mo, kung hanggang doon nalang talaga.. Be proud on yourself, kasi nakaya mong lagpasan na masaktan mag isa.. ng walang comfort mula sa kanya.. Kinaya mo.. Kinaya mo.. Ang kahinaan mo noon, syang nagpalakas sa iyo ngayon.. ☺

I don’t know where to start, how should I tell what happened to me recently.

April 01, 2019 when I took a pregnancy test, early in the morning. After I missed my period last month (March).

What I saw is, a two lines which indicates that it is positive. But the other one is, fainted. (I can’t believe it) I tried asking some of my friends or anyone I know, I posted on a group of moms or new moms. Most of them, telling me that, yes it is positive. Few told me it’s negative because of the other line was fainted. So, just to make sure.. I took a pregnancy test again, April 04, my mom’s birthday. Again, what I’ve seen is a positive result and has a two strong red lines shown me. So it’s really confirmed. I announced it thru my FACEBOOK. I’ve been married for 4 years and 6 months today and that was our first baby, that’s why we’re so excited to let the whole world know that we’re having a baby. But, of course.. we have to visit my OB for confirmation of my pregnancy test result. My husband and I decided to have my 1st prenatal visit on April 13. (Saturday) but, before the said date. My friend Lani, rushed me to the clinic due to the vaginal bleeding that I had on that day (April 10, 2019) then, my OB was not there. Her duty is in the afternoon and the duty OB on that day is the one who checked on me. They took CBC and urinalysis test on me. I had trans vaginal ultrasound. She can’t see any sac or the embryo (6 weeks pregnant based on my LMP) due to the reason that I had thickened endometriosis. They don’t give any medicines to me like duphaston.

What she told me about her findings to me is, it’s either early pregnancy or else, my baby is gone (miscarriage) then she told me that if I still have active bleeding, I need to go back to their clinic or if it’s spotting. We will repeat the ultrasound 2-4 weeks. When we arrived home, I’m still bleeding.. I called their clinic, then they told me to wait for my OB to be there in the afternoon. We go back there, my present OB has checking on me again thru ultrasound, she told me that I need to undergo D & C. But, I refused to do it. I’m hoping that my baby are still alive. So, we went home, I cried, I was shocked, mixed emotion. I asked our friends to pray for us including my baby. So, when we decided to undergo D & C Procedure, we went to the public hospital in Manila (not in my OB’s private clinic)

When we get there, the attending doctor.. told me that I don’t need to undergo D & C Treatment. They prescribed a medicine to me which is duphaston. So, I still think that my baby are still alive, it gives me hope that my baby are still with me. So, we went home. Bed rest.. My husband takes care of me.. April 14, I need to repeat my ultrasound like what the OB in the hospital told me to do.

I went to the clinic. I met my first OB there, (she’s the one that I’m looking for, ever since) I lost her contacts with me that’s why.. and then, she did ultrasound on me.. tells me that my baby is really gone. Everything is clear and confirmed now. But it didn’t sink on me. Because I refused to believe in. I’m still hoping and believing that my miracle baby are still with me.. My baby is really a miracle to us, my baby was gone but my baby took away all my ovary diseases. I’m healed now. But my emotions and my body is tired, drained, empty, sadness, weak. I want to recover as soon as possible but my mind and my body doesn’t cooperate with me. I’m still hurting of losing my first baby that I waited for so long and now, it’s gone. What I have now is a guardian angel (my little baby) from up above. It’s really unexplainable pain. I missed my baby on my tummy.. I started to love you even we have each other in a short period of time.. Thank GOD for having you still as our angel up there. GOD, I praise you even when it hurts.. You’re the one who gave it.. and you’re the one who has the right to took it away..

Sending you to heaven my miracle baby “Nath”

Love,

Your mom (gift of GOD, my angel and happiness)

I’m a beginner here in wordpress blog. Let me introduce myself to my future readers here.. =)

Hi, everyone 😍 My real name is Maria Cristina Agtarap Francisco. But now, i am using “BERJA” as my surname because I’m already married to my husband. I’m 27 years old. I am from VALENZUELA CITY. I’m the eldest in our family. Graduated year 2014 at Santa Cecilia College, took up BSBA Major in Marketing Management. I was born on October 09, 1991. Bryan and I, We’ve been married for 4 years and 5 months today. We don’t have kids yet. Still praying for that, if GOD’s will to have at least one or two kids in the future or it maybe twins. 🙏🏻 but since we don’t have them yet, I am enjoying what I have now by exploring and discovering my hidden self =) I want to continue my passion like what I’m doing now.. by making this site for my blogs.. ❤️

Favorite Color: Pink, Black, Gray, White, Blue, Maroon

Favorite Food: Asian Cuisine and Filipino Food

Favorite Singer: Sarah G, Yeng C, Moira DT, Regine V, Juris, KZ T, Kyla, Jennylyn M

Favorite Place: Home, Library, Coffee Shop

Crush: Rico Yan, Leonardo De Carpio, Daniel Padilla, James Reid, Mark Herras, Kean Cipriano

Hobbies: Singing, Watching Movies, Listening to Music, Reading Books and articles, Writing Poems, Making Blogs, Making Cover Songs

Favorite Pet: Dogs

Sports: Parang Wala ata 😂 but I experienced to play soccer and billiard before

Favorite Movie: Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita, Titanic, GOD’s not dead, Passion of the CHRIST, How’s of us, Crazy Beautiful you, Just the way you are, Let the love begin

Hoping to share more blogs with you guys!

Thanks for reading my blog. I just hope you enjoyed! 💕 and will continue to follow, support and will hear feedbacks from you. 😊

I am the boyish type of a person. Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted to be a boy. I wanted to to be strong and to protect my loved ones. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I don’t want to wear any dress but my grandma always buying me a dress and she wanted for me is to wear that, but of course, I can’t.. I loved to play soccer and billiard games way back then, because it makes me feel that I am cool. I liked beautiful girls out there and sometimes, I admire boys. I really don’t know who I am. I was 2nd year high school when I encountered to be liked by some people in our school.. It’s irritating me and I’m afraid to fall or to be in a relationship.. I’m afraid to be with a wrong person or to be in a failed relationship.. most importantly, I am afraid to my parents. So, I told my suitors that I need to study first before getting involve in any relationship. I am afraid that I will hurt someone too, but I need to follow and I know that’s the right thing to do, because I’m so young. One day, I came to know this boy because his parents and my parents were friends. We became close and we became friends and we became m0re than friends but because of the reason that I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I avoided him. I choose to be with my friends (classmates) I don’t want to tell my parents about him. I felt sorry and guilty doing that to him but I have no choice but to let him go.. but I think years ago, I heard his family and him will migrate on Italy.. I tried to ignore that but eventually, there’s something inside of me telling that I had to do something.. but, unexpectedly.. he was the first one to contact me and he told me that he wants to give it a try again for the both of us.. I told him that I’m not sure with my feelings for him but in the end, I ended up accepting him again. We agreed that we will exchanging letters when he gets there (Long Distance Relationship) but that promised of him made to be broken.. I was left hanging and thinking what happened to us.. That was my first heartbreak that I didn’t want to happen but it does. I became a real man hater.. plus the reality of experiencing identity crisis in me.. That was my first heartbreak.. It was Year 2007 when he left Philippines.. Year 2013 when i tried to enter a new relationship.. Guess what? We’re officially on, same date when my 1st l0ve left me way back 2007. And after 1 year and 3 months we got married year 2014. 6 years of waiting for my 1st love to come back to me but we’re not meant to be. I ended up with someone else who made me feel that I can learn to love again. 💘

Title: “Found Forever”

We’re like a strangers before
I can’t imagine that there will be “us” in the future..

We fear love. 
We feel afraid to be left alone. 
We hide our feelings for each other. 
Past haunts us.
Leave scars in our hearts.

Until the right time has come
We confessed our feelings to each other
We faced our fears
And choose to love each other

We struggled
Some people came In our lives
To break us, 
But they didn’t succeed
GOD restored us.

Our loyalty for each other
has been tested..

As we became one.. 
Our love for each other
Grows deeper
Our relationship became stronger..

And now, that I am with you
And as long as I am with you
I will choose and will choose to
Love you forever..

We will work hard to be better together. 💜

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton